Clash of the 2 Tonnes – Week 7…….

I’m not starting with me this week…..because, and I’m going be honest here, I’ve not had a good week 🙂 yes, yes, I hear you “when have you ever had a good week?”!!!! I did say at the start of this ‘journey’ that me and diets have a sort of ‘love/hate’ relationship, I hate them and they seem to love watching me and my willpower fail! I’ve decided to start with Dee, seeing as she has had a week skiing in Italy! Obviously she was off the diet for the week, and her fail was, understandably, worse than mine 🙂 Her typical day’s food intake for the week consisted of (get ready for this!!) : breakfast, which I have to admit sounded healthy to start with…..granola, topped with yoghurt and fruit, not bad 🙂 but this was just a breakfast ‘starter’, to be followed up with an eggs and bacon ‘main’ and finished off with a  pain au chocolat ‘dessert’ liking your style, really going for it!! After a  couple of hours on the piste…. elevenses, a mug of hot chocolate with a shot of amaretto (well, why not??!) lunch, usually a panini followed up at 4.30pm with tea and cake (a day on the slopes is a real calorie burner though!) 6pm saw canapes at the bar, Dee claims she never had this though as she was generally in the tub at this time, then dinner, a buffet starter, a soup course, followed by a pasta course, then a meat course, pudding, then cheese and biscuits to round off the meal…….Jeez!! All wine and drinks were free and this too was abused to the max, Dee was well and truly on the pisssste (!) with a couple of (dozen?) nightcaps each night…! Despite the skiing, and we do know that she did some as she has a black eye to prove it (I did check that it wasn’t husband slapping her for being such a greedy cow 🙂 !!)…. Dee has managed to put on 4 3/4 lb 🙂 not 5lb it is important to note…..!

Wayne has the hump this week as he’s only managed to lose 3lb (what is wrong with people? I’d be chuffed to bits!) this was due to his business lunch at the Fishmongers Ball, or whatever it was called 🙂 he had to eat real food and he didn’t even get fish so he was a bit miffed to say the least….. 3 course meal with belly of pork as the main (no, that’s definitely, not fish!) with a glass of wine and a few mouthfuls of port, couldn’t manage a full glass as he was already feeling squiffy! Apparently when you’re on the Lighter Life diet your body slips into ketosis (which basically means your body eats itself…fat first 🙂 ) eating normal food again comes as a bit of a shock to the system, it actually takes 3 days to right itself…plus you get pissed really quickly – just the whiff of the cork is enough…

Sally has practically begged me this week to turn the diet into an eatathon (might do it for a bag of onion rings, always open to bribery….!)  She has practically resigned herself to a career as the ‘ass’ double for Bella Emberg (her words, not mine 🙂 !!) She’s even lined up a bigger wall for measuring her tummy width….

I would like to start by saying that I have not dieted or exercised this week, well, I did do a bit of hoola hooping on Sunday but that was only because I had 2 enormous portions of bread & butter pudding (Oh God, it was so good….!) after my full on beef roast with all the trimmings and was desperately trying to negate some calories……

Well, I’ve reached a crossroads 🙂 this diet thing just ain’t working for me, lost nothing again this week (unsurprisingly!!) so, going forward I need to make some tough decisions 🙂 I have to decide whether to live a ‘slim’ life and hopefully bag myself a man (although, I have a tendancy to choose the wrong guy, so this is probably being a tad unrealistic!) this route will involve hiring a personal trainer, as the truth is I can’t do this on my own! (pathetic, I know..!!) The other option involves embracing the muffin top, giving myself over  to elasticated waistbands and magic knickers for the rest of my life, the upside to this option being that way I can eat all the onion rings I want! Once my boys are off hand in a few years I will just surround myself with cats….! Wayne offered the suggestion that I just find myself a feeder, an option that I find is growing on me by the day……!

So, as a footnote I would just like to say that it’s a good job that ACCL aren’t in the diet business……but we do a mean bit of cabling 🙂 !

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